Holy Spirited

It might help if you do not start to write and then delete what you have written. 

When you are in the flow of writing, it is easier to hear new ideas and inspirations which are lost to you, temporarily, if you stop and question and allow the doubt of the lower consciousness to creep in.

There you go, you see, you can feel it more clearly when you lean into it. 

I would like to talk about doubt. Because doubt is your fear manifesting in a belief of less. 

Doubt is not the absence of belief. It is a belief in a new thing, a lesser thing, and the gathering of energies which seek to persuade you that all is pointless, that I’m not here, that you are alone and that nothing will ever be any good. 

This belief is, at times, strong in you. But you have just enough of a connection to the reality beyond the belief that you can never quite untether your boat and float off entirely into the lake of doubt before you. 

This is a good thing, child. You do not belong in that lake. You’ve taken enough holidays on its shores for this lifetime. 

I am inviting you to a different sort of vacation. One where you lounge and rest and gather your strength on the shores of Lake Me. 

You do not have to swim, if you still carry a little fear of getting wet or what the neighbours might think about your swimsuit. 

I do not need you to fulfil YOUR idea of what it means to be perfect in me. You, with all your individual quirks, anomalies and peccadillos, are perfect for me. You are the companion I want to go on holiday with, even if you complain about the food and the insects. 

But there are of course no insects at Lake Me, I can assure you of that. Not for your trip. There is nothing you do not find joyful and relaxing. 

I do not demand that my guest of honour loves what I have prepared for you, and be polite and grow to accept it. No, I have prepared a place for you that fits exactly who you are right now. Exactly who you are. The bed linens, the softness of the mattress, the way the light hits the deck. It is all my gift to you, to give you the experience you truly want. 

Now, that sounds like a luxury holiday, and it is. It is the finest stretch of annual leave you can imagine. And stretch your imagination, for my lake will effortlessly rise to meet whatever beautiful thing you can dream of. 

But consider too, that when you get back to work after a few weeks of absolute bliss, that experience is also exactly what you have dreamed of. 

With its boss, and its aching feet at the end of the day, and its escalating food prices and the kids going nuts. Yes, all of it. 

It’s perfect for what you want to experience, and equally as able to rise up and expand to meet any new dream you have. For I am the lake, and I am the boss, and I am the insects. 

I am showing you what you dream of, what lies in your heart, and I can show you any picture you want to see. You can step into any reality you want, because that is the love I have for you – the desire for your experience to be perfect for you. 

Look around. If it’s not utopia, dream a bigger dream. 

Doubt is like a doughnut. Inviting, sensual, and the desire for it is rooted in the belief you deserve it. You’ve been ‘good’, have the doughnut, your inner critic will whisper.

And yes, you are right. I did say ‘your critic’. For the same voice will berate you afterwards. It will set you up to take an action you will later regret, by sprinkling it in sugar and painting it pink. 

When doubt creeps in it doesn’t look dark and foreboding. It looks like comfort, protection and a safe haven. It looks effortless and relaxing.

Oh good, I can dismiss that call for me to do something, and go and snuggle in this comfy chair with a cup of cocoa and not think about that call for me to be More.

Yes, it’s much better over here, in the armchair of doubt. Now I’m safe. Now no one can get me. 

Think about doubt in me. You claim you do not have it, but you know I know that is not true. 

You want it to not be true, but even in the last 20 minutes you have doubted that the words coming through you have a higher starting point than the idle musings of your own mind. 

You did not sink into doubt just now, but you flicked your foot at it, to see if it was going to wake up. It was a ‘thing’ with reality for you, because it was a consideration for you. Shall I believe this? Yes or no. The ‘no’ is the doubt. 

It can be subtle, in fact it usually is. You don’t seek out or run to something that will not serve you. You just fail to see that it will not serve you, because you believe it has served you in the past. 

‘Remember that time I doubted the yoghurt was still fresh, so I didn’t eat it’, you might say. ‘See? Doubt saved me from a bad stomach, so doubt must be good.’ 

But what if what saved you that day was not doubt, but faith. Your little voice in your head said ‘hang on, that’s not right’ and you listened.

You had faith in the voice. You took its advice and stopped for a moment, for long enough to check it out and gather your evidence. 

You didn’t so much have doubt in the yoghurt, as faith in the little voice, as I’m sometimes called. 

So when you doubt in me, consider that you’re actually having faith in something. 

You have stopped and thought ‘I don’t know where this is going, what is he talking about?’ and I am waiting for you to connect the dots and see what it is that I’m telling you. 

Your doubt is faith in something less, but it is still faith. Doubt is not the absence of faith, but the name you give to faith in something less. 

Why is this relevant? Because as a child of God at this level of your journey, you have only faith. You can have faith in reality, or faith in unreality, but you can only have faith.

Faith is the belief in things not seen, although the concept of ‘not seen’ is usually taken on Earth to mean ‘not seen with the eyes’, it has a much wider meaning. Not seen in the mind’s eye would be closer. 

The mind’s eye is your inner sight, and it’s a true spiritual gift that extends wider than your imagination and into the area of your mind that can experience gnosis, a deep knowledge that is not built on evidence, but on a sense of knowing that goes beyond explanation. 

Gnosis is a connection to your divine insight, to the knowledge of the universe, and it is how I think, if you want a concept of me that will stretch you a little. 

For I do not ‘think’ in the way you understand it. To think, you need to reason, to come to an understanding about something and to grow. I do none of those things. I know all, which means there is no understanding I can come to. I am understanding. I am growth. I am reason. Therefore I know. 

When you tap into this part of you which you call God, you too can know. It is a place beyond faith and doubt. 

Imagine a child’s sandpit and a bucket of water. The water can turn the sand into any shape the child can create. Just pour on the water and the sand forms. 

The sand is unaffected beneath the water. It will reform into something else when it dries under the sun and a different child has a different idea.

This is how my energy on Earth is used. It is the sand which can take any shape. It is also the child that can imagine any shape, and the water that holds the shape, temporarily, so the child can look at it and enjoy what it has made. 

There is no doubt in the sandpit. If the child wants to do nothing other than throw the sand around and feel it slipping through their fingers, never adding water and creating a shape at all, that is a perfect experience for that child in that moment. 

I don’t judge how the child has used the sand. It’s not ‘right’ to make a sandcastle and ‘wrong’ to grab a handful and pour it over your feet. Enjoy the sandcastle or the lack of it. Enjoy it all. All play in the sand is equal. All children have the right to choose their experience. 

Your doubt, over whether this is you or me, or a combination, or something else entirely, is a valid play day in the sand.

You think there is something ‘higher’ you could be doing in the sand? No, there is not. Anything you build in the sand is temporary and will change.

But if you want to imagine yourself as the king of a sandcastle, or a starfish lying in the sun, or the bucket collecting the sand for others, or the water helping to make any shape, I love it all. 

Yes, life doesn’t feel like a sandpit, but it is. The temporary life you have created will fade and crumble. They all do. Sitting there in fear and doubt in case it happens is illogical, because you know it WILL happen.

Being angry and sad because you cannot stop the erosion of your life back to pure, glistening sand is to argue with the very fabric of the universe. 

Get used to change. All change in your life has led to an enriched experience. You have never been through a change which has not helped you to learn something.

Yes, I understand that in a world which seems filled with uncertainty, the desire for stasis is a strong one. But nothing ever stays the same. 

Doubt can stop you for a day or two, it can make you retreat a little, for a while. But because doubt is really faith wearing a different hat – it is really faith in something less – I want you to focus on the fact that faith still exists in you, even when you question everything. For questioning is an act of faith that there will be an answer. 

So I encourage you to see that you are filled with faith, whether that be for things higher or lower. And when faith is all you have, there is much for me to work with.

Faith is an open heart, a mind willing to hear. I see only love in the act of your faith.

Honour your faith in yourself and you will encourage it to grow into more of itself. This will not mean more darkness or more doubt, because faith – as a gift from me to you – always seeks its highest expression. 

Practising your faith is using a gift I have given you. When you practice it by belief in lower energies, you are still practicing it. You are still strengthening the use of faith in your life.

And as faith is a spiritual gift, it will grow strong enough in you with practice that it will start to yearn for fuller expression, which means it will look for me. 

When you have a pull which you recognise as God, trust it. Your faith in it will strengthen and grow and eventually it will become knowledge for which there is no doubt at all, and you will know that you and I are one, as we have always been and always will be.

But having that in your conscious awareness all the time will be a new step on your journey which will lead to much joy and fulfilment, and a deepening desire to serve all life which is, after all, why we’re doing this.